Trump Is Trying to Get America to Break Up with Him | The Daily Show

The Trump administration has been saying for weeks that there was no form
of quid pro quo with Ukraine. And then today,
Mulvaney said that there was, but people should get over it. Which is really confusing.
What is the strategy? Well, here to break it all down in this whole
impeachment scandal is our very own Dulcé Sloan,
everybody! -(cheering, applause)
-Hello. -Ah.
-Okay… this is so confusing. Trump’s chief of staff basically
admitted to a quid pro quo. How is this helping them? It doesn’t–
but that’s the point. This is what happens when you’re
dealing with trash-ass dudes -and their trash-ass friends.
-(laughter) I’ve been through this before,
so let me break it down. Trump doesn’t want
to be president, but he doesn’t want
to quit, either, ’cause that
would make him look bad. So he’s out here trying
to get dumped. It’s what I call
“pulling a Marvin.” I’m-I’m sorry,
“pulling a Marvin”? Is that a psychological term? No. Marvin is this dude
I’ve been dating who wants to get out
of our relationship… but he’s trying to get me
to break up with him. That’s who Marvin is,
and Trump’s just like him. Okay, wait, wait,
hold up, hold up. You think Trump wants Americans to kick him out
of the White House? It’s obvious! He said America’s
just as bad as Russia. He shows us the phone calls
he made to Ukraine. Then his boy came to the podium and said he’s got quid pro quos
in different area codes. (laughter) (applause, cheering) He’s just like Marvin. (laughter) Not even trying to hide it. Marvin butt-dialed me
from the strip club… (laughter) -…with someone else’s butt.
-(laughter) If that’s not asking
to get your ass dropped, -I don’t know what is.
-Okay, wait. Well, that means
this is a good thing. If Trump wants out, then America
just should impeach him, and then everyone gets
what they want. Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. Impeach him? So America is the bad guy? Nah. Then he gets what he wants. We can’t let Marvin win–
I mean Trump. -(laughter)
-We… Excuse me. We can’t let Trump win. America has to do to Trump
what I did to Marvin– make his life
a living hell! Uh-huh. (cheering, whooping, applause) I told his boss
he goes to work drunk. I poked holes in his water bed. And best of all, I showed up at the strip club
he was at and yelled, “That nigga’s broke!
No more dances for Marvin!” -(laughter, applause)
-Wow! Wow. So… so that’s how you got
Marvin to break up with you? Oh, no, we didn’t break up. (laughter) We’re both too stubborn. I’m marrying that piece of shit
this weekend. (laughter) You hear that, Marvin?
You better break up with me, or I’m taking this shit
to the grave! Uh, congratulations, I guess.
Dulcé Sloan, everybody.

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